Eurasian Feminist Daughter

[Eurasian Feminist Daughter]

Being the Hapa daughter of an anti-feminist relationship

There is a singular fact about my life, that I can’t run away from. It pains me to say so. But try as I might, I can’t deny the fact that I was born of a horrid anti-feminist relationship. If I were a biological existentialist, these genes would define my womanhood. I can’t let this be. It tears me up inside, and I can feel the contempt. 

More and more, I have come to see the WMAF relationship, not as a romance but as a political movement. It has all the markers of an ideology and worldview. It is not as simple as white boy meets yellow girl. It is very much a relationship about white women. White women having too much feminism, rights and equality. The WMAF relationship says to me as an American woman- “you have too much freedom, you need to be less free.” WMAF upholds obeying men, and submitting to his commands, just because you have a vagina, as a positive value for women. Asian women are prized for this supposed quality. They show their ‘femininity’ by working in massage parlors that give 'happy endings’.

I have read the propaganda tracts of WMAF and it is crystal clear to me, that this is an anti-feminist political movement which sees itself as the answer to the liberation of Western Women. I consider myself to be a Western Woman. My parents are saying to me, that I’m inferior just because I’m not white, and not male. I will never forgive them for this cruel message.

I’m deeply, deeply, humiliated to be a girl born out of this mixing. I wish I could change my parents. Your parents are assigned to you, before you are born, and you don’t get a choice in the matter. Let me just say that as a Eurasian girl, I reject everything my parents stand for. I’m forever on the side of American Feminism over Asian anti-Feminism. I’m not against Asian women. I welcome sisterhood with all Asian women who genuinely struggle against the White Male Patriarchy as symbolized by my own white dad. He is my personal patriarchy. My Asian mom is his enabler. She serves as his auxiliary in enforcing a neo-colonial, sexist relationship over me. 

I make no bones about it. I’m the victim of a relationship that privileges white males over me. That suggests males should rule over females, and whites over coloreds. This is extremely degrading to me as a Hapa girl. I will not be their Hapa doll. Patriarchy begins in my own home. Everytime I talk to my parents, I’m a victim or relationship of domination. I refuse to submit. I will not be a good girl. I know this is not just a fight between me and daddy. The forces of Women’s Liberation and National Liberation stand behind me. Although I do wish they would be a little louder in their support. 

I don’t know what to do with my life. Other than being an enemy to my parents and those like them. 

[Eurasian Feminist Daughter]

A Eurasian Woman is not Asian.

My hatred grows. I hate my white dad for being a white man, I don’t care if he is inside me. I’m half him. I’m so fucking sick of white men, and I hold my White dad personally responsible for them. In every white guy, I see my dad, in my dad I see every white guy. I hate my Asian mom, for forcing me to be a Eurasian girl. I hate them both. It is clear that Asian girls are trash to whites. And by being with my dad, my mom is saying it is ok. And its ok to treat me like trash. My parent’s relationship invites white males to abuse me. Everytime I read a new story, about white men assuming asians are easy sluts, I feel like my parents waved a green light saying go its ok. 

I’m just a big ball of flaming hate. I feel the flesh melting off my body. All that is left is the consuming fire. I’m not a happy girl. Never was, never will be. Some girls are born to be sad. I’m not a damsel in distress waiting for a knight in shining armor to come in and save me. My anger is my knight, savior, rescuer, lover. Rage, is the only man I will trust. Let him burn my body, he is the only one who understand the raw hate I feel for my parents. This is the only touch of love, I want to know. 

I take it all so personally. And I blame it on my parents personally. No, I wont be fair to them. Has the world been fair to me as a Eurasian girl? Why am I a  Hapa? Because my parent decided for me. 

We Hapas are the only hope. Our parents have bred their own worst enemies. We have to stand up, and fight back. We need to create a civil war in our homes. If any Hapa out there reads this, and identifies with my words, feels me, then tell your parents. Don’t be a quiet China doll about it. Be a defiant Eurasian. If your dad thought he would have a quiet, submissive, obedient, Asian daughter, let him know he was gravely mistaken. We will be a feminist bitch to him. Like the fat American feminists that forced him to run away to Asia. She has followed him home, into the womb of his wife, into his own home, his own daughter. His wife has given birth to his enemy. I’m done crying. There are no more tears, only blood flowing from me. I will be everything my parents could hate. 

I’m going back to Asia. Even though I’m not even from Asia. If there are too many expats in the big cities, I will run into the countryside. I swear I will never look in the face of a white man ever again. ESPECIALLY not my father. They will just be a bad dream. A nightmare I had. A spook. A ghost. 

I wont be my mother’s daughter. I will not carry on her legacy. I will not be her Tiger cub. I do reject a part of my Asian heritage. My mother is that part. Whatever my dad found endearing in my mom, I shall have none of it. This is my vow, my sacred promise. I will be the worst possible woman for men like my dad. Anything you find good about Asian women, I shall reject. It is in this sense I cling to my white side. Where it is a rejection of my family. I will be Yellow, where you want me to be white, and white where you want me to be Yellow. I won’t be your gentle Geisha lotus flower. But the part about Asians being your racial enemy. That I will embrace. I will spit on your country, western civilization, America and everything you stand for. I will happily sell my dad’s country to his enemies.

This is the baby girl he choose to have. 

[Eurasian Feminist Daughter]

Battle Hymn of the Eurasian Tiger Daughter

When liberals read Amy Chua, all they see is the parental conflict between daughter and mother. It is just a normal family drama. Wrong! Let us be clear, the title of her article should not be “Why Chinese Mothers are superior” but “Why Chinese Mothers married to White Dads are her superior”. She is very proud of this mixing, bragging that in some college towns they are the majority. At the same time she is painfully aware of the low-status nature of the WMAF relationship, and makes a special point to insist that her white guy had never dated an Asian woman before her. She wants to marry a white husband, but not one who dates Asians. For she is aware that thanks to women like her, Asian females have become the Queen of the Losers. She wants to have it both ways.

And then she casually makes jokes about how when she and her Hapa daughters travel with, White Dad, people would think he was a White slavetrader taking them off in sexual slavery. WMAF humor. Forced prostitution is a big joke for them. It tickles them, that their relationship looks like slavery from the outside. Daughters looking like their dad’s whores, is for chuckles. 

This is not about having a mean mom. It is not about Chinese vs Western culture. It is a power relation of domination, based on race and sex. Eurasian children are an oppressed class under the patriarchy and neo-colonialism of their WMAF parents. This is a serious structural issue. Not funny Asian Tiger Mom stories. It is not a fucking joke White America. Amy Chua is not joking, when she says Eurasian children, are the literal slaves of their WMAF parents. And let us not ignore the fact that, the key component to the Tiger Mom’s Power is the White Dad. His White Male Patriarchy created the Tiger Mom. It is created by the dynamic of WMAF. 

The stupid mainstream media, totally ignored these issues, and focused entirely on how Amy Chua embodied Chinese culture. When she is the Queen of American WMAF culture. The Tiger Mom is an American WMAF creation. And we Eurasian children are its true victims. 

Children do not have to accept the parents they were born to. They can rise up, fight back, disobey. A Eurasian child owes no loyalty or filial piety to their WMAF parents. We must stand together and reject the sexism and racism we were born of. 

It tears me apart as a woman, to know that I was born of a relationship based on hatred of my gender. On the idea that women should be natural slaves for men. Knowing this, I as a Eurasian Female, can never love my parents. I feel nothing for them. I will never accept the rule of my parents over me. I will publicly exposed their crimes against me. They can’t hurt me anymore. I don’t want to be born of their patriarchy and sexism. 

I’m sorry to all my white friends, that I was born of a relationship based on their enslavement. Hatred of white women. The belief that they don’t deserve rights. This is what WMAF stands for. And I’m so sorry I have anything to do with it. It was not my choice. I’m so, so sorry. Please forgive me, for the the sins of my parents. I understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore, seeing as where I come from. It is clear there is no place for me, in Western society, I will be leaving soon. This land has brought me nothing but pain, hate, sorrow. I was not meant to be born here. I will undue my parent’s relationship and make it like they never existed. Goodbye to all this. 

[Eurasian Feminist Daughter]

It is clear to me that my parents’ marriage is based on hatred of women. I hear it from them, I see it online and in person. The sole purpose of WMAF is to boycott American women for being too Feminist. White women of course don’t notice the tiny pinpricks. But as a Eurasian daughter I do. It is my destiny to be the daughter of my parents. I can’t escape it, though heaven knows I tried.

I’m the victim of the intersection of oppression and exploitation based on both race and sex. I have the double load on my back. I’m forever denied the chance to be a true American woman. I will always be an outsider. Contaminated by the choice of my parents. I must live with my Mother’s legacy. She is the reason I run from being Asian. I don’t want to be an Asian woman of her type. I would rather be the spoiled, bitchy, demanding, Feminist, White woman, my parents despise. I don’t want to be called beautiful and exotic by my enemies. I’d rather they say I’m ugly, hate-filled and insane.

Please don’t place this burden on me. 

[Eurasian Feminist Daughter]

I hate being my Asian Mother’s Eurasian Daughter

We don’t get to choose our parents. This is the fundamental fact of life and it drives me crazy. My parents made their choices, and I’m the one who has to live with it. They decided that they would build their relationship on patriarchy, misogyny, anti-feminism, racism and hatred of American white women. And I’m the one who has to live with it. I’m not their daughter, I’m their victim.

I hate the fact that in America, many will consider me to be an Asian woman. I don’t want to have anything to do with my mom’s legacy. I want to be the opposite of her in every way. If I have to leave America to escape her creation, I certainly will. I will never be the daughter they want to be. Never be their angel. I prefer to be a devil and she-wolf to my parents. The man-hating American Feminist bitch who destroys their lives, and wrecks their ‘traditional family values’. I was not born to be their child, but to be their enemy. In every disgusting act of WMAF Misogyny, I see the face of my parents. Their Eurasian children will not suffer this emotional torture in silence forever. You can only abuse us in silence for so long, until all the family dirty laundry is aired in public. I have already sent in my audition tapes to all the Jerry Springer, Dr.Phil, Maury knockoffs. They like to cover the intersection of race and sex, combined with a crazy insane family angle. I think me and my insane parents have a good chance of appearing on one of these trailer trash family shows. This will be my therapy, in front of a  national audience. 

I wish I could just claw off my face with my nails. Then I would not have to have any resemblance to either of my parents. I hate the America they decided I should be born into. I hate that no one cares. The WMAF Propaganda Machine has been incredibly effective into brainwashing America into believing that Eurasian kids, both male and female, must be incredibly happy with their lives. This is a blatant lie. And these lines never come from the mouths of Eurasians themselves. Rather our WMAF parents feel they have a right to speak for ourselves. We are not cute little Hapa babies anymore. We are all grown up, and we can and will speak for ourselves. I’m just the tip of the iceberg. Many more Eurasian offspring will speak after me. They will turn the living room of every WMAF household into a battleground. 100 years of race and gender conflict will be played out within the family. 

I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to be a Eurasian woman. I don’t want to learn. My parents’ relationship is based on hatred of women. That much is clear. White women are too strong to hurt, so they have chosen to hurt me. I have been hurt. They are a couple that takes pleasure in hurting women, just for being women. These are the parents I have to have. If someone has to be born into it, I guess it might as well be me. 

I envy all-American white women for being everything I seek to be. But I admire them for being the enemy of my parents. The opposite of every thing they want in a daughter. The anti-Me. I try to integrate with them. Just be one of the girls. But it will never work. I carry the WMAF demons inside me. I will never be an American girl. America for me, will always mean my white dad, and everything I loathe. A country that has given me nothing but pain. I refuse to be a victim. I’m going to leave the West and never come back. 

I’m always hearing how popular Eurasian women are in Asia. Good. I will use my 'high-status’ to become a public spokeswoman for my pain. I will travel around Asia, giving public talks about how my WMAF parents have destroyed me as a woman. Gutted my heart and soul. And they will have to listen to me, because I’m an exotic, superior, Eurasian female. If Americans wont listen to my wailings, I will take my message across the Pacific. I don’t want to live in a Republic, with a Senate ruled by a WMAF couple. This is why they hate Obama so much. They see a Black Man and White woman as the opposite of WMAF. And so the answer to liberal BMWF is conservative WMAF. A WMAF child is the biological incarnation of anti-feminist values. Well, I cant take it. I wont be your model daughter, to represent your horrible hateful evil causes. I will betray everything my parents value. 

I hate my stupid face. I hate being a mixing of their genes. Everyone else at least has parents who love them. Only me, as a Eurasian girl, only I, am cursed with parents who hate me to hell. It is the worst violation. I’m just a flaming ball of pure hate. I can’t be their daughter anymore. Its over for me. Let the future decide. If I’m wrong, all those growing Hapa kids will be fine and normal, and I’m just a lone freak and abnormality. If I’m right there will be tens of thousands of mes across the country, hitting puberty each year, full of rage at their WMAF parents. I’ve done my part. I’ve spoken out like few other Eurasian women have. So let history judge. If I’m correct, I wont need to speak, one hundred thousand Eurasian daughters will speak for me. 

There is no need for me to say more. If other Eurasian children discover my blog, I only hope this lets them complete their spiritual journey faster, without having to re-invent the wheel at every turn. But my words will only be true to them if it matches their own life experiences. It is too late for me. Save the children. Rather- Hapa children, save yourselves!

[Eurasian Feminist Daughter]

vagabondish.com

No Sex in the City: What It's Like to Be Female and Foreign in Japan - Vagabondish

Reannon Muth learns that Tokyo’s a tough city to be single … if you’re a western woman.

This article gets posted constantly on MGTOW blogs. Its seen as proof that white women are jealous and bitter about WMAF. Many MGTOWs romanticize Fascist Japan, as a reverse shadow world, where it is the white women who are lonely and alone. 

For me the line that stuck at me the most was

“what did it matter if their peculiar quirks and bizarre comments got lost in translation a little? Even the socially awkward deserved to love and be loved.”

She reduces the misogyny of the white males who seek out Geisha dolls in Patriarchal Japan to “social awkwardness”. Contrary to what the MGTOWs say, she is not bitter or angry at the arrangement. She is happy that the biggest losers of western society have finally found women low enough to stoop to their level. 

And I have found that this is the general attitude of white women towards WMAF, a benign neglect. Who am I to judge? 

Some might see this as an admirable tolerant attitude. But let us not forget that relationships are not a victimless crime. There is a third party involved- the Hapa children. And because white girls are so high-minded and indifferent about WMAF, they are letting horrible Hapa slavery be committed right before their eyes.

As a colored woman forced to submit to the dictates of my sexist and racist WMAF parents, this is exactly how I feel- a slave. I’m a slave to imperialism and patriarchy. I was born out of a relationship that is explicitly anti-feminist. And it chills me to the bones. 

Even on a supposed Feminist site like Jezebel, Korean women casually relate replaying such erotic thrillers like the warcrimes and rape of My Lai.

“One man’s sexytalk, for want of a better word, was very racially charged in a very icky sort of way, and his favourite thing to do was, I can’t believe I’m telling the internet this, white-solder/Asian prisoner roleplays. I put up with it, guiltily, wondering whether I was just being too sensitive, too prudish, and telling myself that I couldn’t afford to be so choosy and sticks and stones etc, etc, etc, and didn’t really have any close friends who could relate that I could talk about it with. I was kind of grateful when he cheated and I was able to leap onto that as a cogent identifiable relatable reason to kick him to the kerb.”

Is there any shock and horror about war crime rapes being played as sexytalk by colored women?

No, that is just the quirky awkwardness of white men in WMAF. White women are just glad that even losers like him can find love. 

And how will his Eurasian daughters feel?

It is fitting to me that, the Vietnam hooker from Full Metal Jacket, with such classic lines as ‘me so horny sucky sucky two dollars’ is not a full Asian women, but a Eurasian daughter.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papillon_Soo_Soo

I feel disgust and shame about being born out of such a hate-filled sexist relationship. It defiles me as a woman. I just can’t escape it. It is everywhere I go. Even on Tumblr. I'm continuously being triggered. 

I can’t escape who I’m. All I can do is promise to myself that I will never be my mother. Life as a Hapa Female in America is becoming an impossibility for me. I refuse to live my mother’s choices. I need to escape somehow. I refuse to be the daughter of my mother. I will never become her. I just feel so creeped out by my dad. I’m so terribly alone. Surrounded by men who hate me. Life in this country is undesirable for a Hapa girl. White women are not going to ride in to the rescue and save me. 

What are we Eurasians going to do? How can we live knowing where our origins lie? The anguish, torment, agony. Existing to be a victim for men. It is driving me into insanity. I’m not a healthy woman. 

[Eurasian Feminist Daughter]

Suffocating from Misogyny and Racism

As a Eurasian Woman I feel like I’m literally suffocating from the misogyny and racism of American society. From my own family. I hate my white dad. He embodies the entire order of White Male Patriarchy,  I have dedicated my life to eradicating. I hate my Asian mother for being an auxiliary to his White Patriarchy. 

I can’t endure much more. I can’t even breathe. I don’t care about me anymore. My life is worthless and meaningless. 

All I care about is the future generation of Eurasians. My brothers and sisters. The children I will never have. The children of couples like my own parents. I reach out to them from beyond my grave. I try to dry their tears. Comfort them. Hug them when I’m dead and buried. They are the future. They are my hope. They might feel like they are at the bottom of the world, but that just gives them more power to turn it upside down. They are the weak link in the chain of Imperialist White Patriarchy. They are at the epicenter of the intersection between race and sex. WMAF has become the White Male’s secret weapon in his war against White Feminism. And Hapas are the children of this anti-feminist relationship. When they rebel against their parents, it is not just a family conflict, but a true revolution. 

I can’t go on anymore. I don’t  write for Whites or for Asians but for my fellow Hapas. Some of whom might not even be born yet. If they can read my words, perhaps they can be saved, and not endure the burnings of my living hell. 

I’m too depressed and tired to write. But I will try. 

[Eurasian Feminist Daughter]

smallfarmvehicle.tumblr.com

[smallfarmvehicle]

My father, a white man, just told me that I “have become racist” because having lived in America for two years, I am becoming more and more aware of what living as an Asian in a White privileged society is like, and I have begun to point out injustices and problems in the way things operate. Calling people out and talking about my unhappiness about racism has thus made me “racist”. He doesn’t want to hear about my “negativity” anymore. I have become a “bad person”. All because I am speaking the truth. He says he warned me about how living in America would be like, and that I would have to just deal with it. He says that oppression happens everywhere, so anything that I’ve experienced or seen isn’t relevant. He says ~he has experienced racism~ in Japan and Singapore and he just accepted it so I should too.

Just deal with it. How can you act like this, so negatively, so immaturely?

Maybe because I only speak so candidly with people I thought would care about how I feel, how angry I am, how scared I am, how upset I am. 

Then after he effectively told me to shut up and only talk to him about things that don’t make him feel uncomfortable, made me cry and yell and feel completely alienated from him, he forced a hug on me in the elevator.

This triggered the fuck out of me and I shoved him against the wall and I feel so terrible right now. 

I can’t stop crying and I don’t know what to do.

[Eurasian Feminist Daughter]

7brieflives.tumblr.com

[7brieflives]

So I was at the pharmacy with my dad the other day just picking up some meds and the pharmacist, who is an Asian lady, was telling me what I needed to do with my meds.
And then she told me to make sure I wasn’t pregnant and I make sure I take birth control AND LOOKS AT MY DAD and then back to me. And she kinda keeps going on about making sure I’m not pregnant and take my birth control and keeps looking at my dad.
By this time I’m a little pissed.
1. I may be half-Asian, but who do you think I am that I would be a young Asian girl married to an older white man. That stereotype should not exist anymore.
2. I look like a high schooler. My dad is in his 60s. That’s 40+ years my senior. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU IMPLYING?
3. This is not the first time a person has mistaken me and my dad as dating.
I do not understand people. I mean, I look more like my dad than my mom. You guys can go on about your equality for all races. I’m gonna categorize halfers/hapas/hybrids/whatever-you-wanna-call-us as one race (or a bunch of other races) because sometimes people make me feel real uncomfy just because I’m half-Asian and I don’t think enough people understand that. I could go on about other experiences but that is for another post. Or few posts. I got lotsa stories.

.

[Eurasian Feminist Daughter]

postmansbaby.tumblr.com

trying to come to terms;my bitter, angry past (a work in progress)

[postmansbaby]

I have been visiting various forums for Eurasian or “hapa” people for years. It has always been difficult for me to find anything that I identified with amongst the various “Hot Eurasian Celebrity” and “what race do I look like?” threads. There might be a post I’d identify with here and there, but usually the author would be considered “too negative” or “nuts” . Most forums seemed like a self fetishizing orgy and I felt I had nothing in common with anybody.. It seemed that any honest discourse about the eurasian experience was shut down. My experience was that I had been raised under Asian culture ; the food, the language, Japanese Saturday school, Japanese tutors etc but that I had been raised to be “white”. I had always been taught that my Asian- ness was supposed to be some sort of “cool” parlour trick I brought out to show off at parties. I was expected to marry white and I was expected to see myself as white. I was supposed to belong to and fit neatly  into western culture.I was supposed to be one of the girls that were talked about when some politician talked about “our daughters”, “our daughters need to be protected”…..and so on.  I was supposed to believe it all unquestionably. I looked quite western as a young child but as puberty drew closer and closer I began to look more ambiguous. I never felt white. I was always “different”. everything I did was wrong and everything I stood for was wrong. My parents marriage represented something that made me squirm. I felt at odds with myself.I remember visiting my aunt in California at about the age of 10 or 11. My parents were furious that I was being mistaken for a Mexican child.Now I understand why. Being raised to be white did not work out for me, and my  parents seemed crushed as a result.  It has not only been a  source of grave disappointment for them, but also a cause for them to constantly  diagnose me with “mental problems” . I had felt broken all of my life.

It was not until I found  “mixed race problems, Tumblr” as well as  the blog “stuffeurasianmaleslike” that I came across other eurasians with similar experiences to mine and who “felt” like I did. It was the first time I heard other Eurasians talk about how it felt to be Eurasian in the context of colonialism and fetishization;people who spoke about self hating mothers, parents who couldn’t communicate with each other,about Asian women who ran off with racist bullies and partook in bullying Asian men, about not looking like our parents,about not looking white enough, or not looking Asian enough.I was not crazy. I was not a racist. So many experiences seemed to mirror my own.

I am not a victim, and I am not broken….but I wish that more discourse about mixed race experience  as being something other than  a “hot, sexy party” or an expression of “Love is colorblind”  were allowed.

I have been branded a racist many times for not writing about being mixed as if it were a party. But what will this person condemning me and others like me say when their own son or daughter speaks of the same thing.What will happen when a white father has an extremely Asian looking daughter who is assumed by default to be his prostitute and not his daughter. What will happen when the Asian mother who thinks white features are superior gives birth to an extremely Asian looking son.

I am not against mixed race marriages,and mixed raced marriages are definitely not the only problematic type of sexual relationship. However, what  I am against is the  intellectually dishonest treatment of mixed race experiences.

I have been filled with rage, with suicidal thoughts, with blame, and worst of all, with the desire to snap at work (when I worked as a waitress at a Japanese restaurant) and proclaim to Asian female/white male couples that their child would end up broken  like me.On one shameful occasion  at a grocery store, I almost did so. But instead I ended up throwing a clamshell container of blueberries in the parking lot and collapsed in a heap, crying.

….I was deeply ashamed by what I had almost done and what I had done..by what I was becoming.

I have been trying to come to terms with myself and with my parents: Trying to learn to be merciful,and to mend everything while still being aware, while not having to pretend everything is okay. To know that my mother may be self hating as a result of the environment she was raised in, and that my father  may fetishize Asian women  as a result of the environment he was raised in.I  also  must consider that what they have between each other may not all be bad. I must love despite everything, It will be difficult, but it can be done.